Peanut Allergy Mom

This is either a positive sign I have a creative streak or just plain proof I procrastinate too much when I should be blogging about serious peanut-related issues.

Peanut Allergy Mom reader Alison Pollard Boseck’s comment on Facebook about how Applebee’s uses the same deep fryer to prepare French fries and chicken nuggets with its pecan encrusted chicken reminded me yet again how frustrating it is to know what’s safe for our allergy children to eat and what isn’t.

I don’t know about you, but that just about takes Applebee’s (and possibly others like Chili’s and Red Robin Restaurant) off our safe list for good.

Just trying to keep up with different food labels, ingredients and possible cross-contamination exposure at grocery stores, restaurants and other people’s homes is frustrating and overwhelming.

More than once I’ve thought about converting my backyard into a suburban farm where I can grow, harvest and serve our own food.

Never mind I can’t keep a house plant alive and green for more than three weeks.

I guess if I had a label on my forehead, this is probably what it would look like.

What about you? I know it sounds a bit cheesy, but be a good sport, smile and nod and just play along here: what would you add to your nutrition label?

Hey Gummi Bear, believe it or not, I’m talking to you. Yes, you in the green. Crazier things have happened around here; come on over, don’t worry, I’m not going to eat you just yet.

We need to talk. You’ve been hanging around here quite a bit this summer and even though you’re here because of some brilliant idea I had, we need to make some changes and fast.

Turns out, you’re dirty. Real dirty. I’m not talking about the ‘two-second, no-one-saw-it-go-ahead-and-shove-it-in-your-mouth-anyway’ kind of dirty either.

When I say dirty, I mean, you’re bad dirty. The kind of bad us peanut allergy moms don’t like.

I know you’re green and we’re all crazy for anything green these days, but your color isn’t going to win you points here. That pout isn’t going to help you much either.

I’m not quite sure how I overlooked this, to be honest. I’m generally neurotic about food labels and I’d like to say I read yours thoroughly, but truth is, I was exhausted by the time I reached the snack aisle.

Even though all my friends told me to stick with Skittles, I couldn’t resist you. Do you even know how cool it is that I can gobble 62 of you and it’s only 130 calories and 0 fat grams? Oh of course you don’t know how cool that is. Sorry. Where are my manners?

Tilt that rubbery head sideways and mock me like that one more time and I’ll squeeze your ears off. You have no idea how frustrating it is to read the same labels every week. After awhile all the ingredients start to run together and sound alike. Even dirt and water spook me now.

Did you know that Brach’s made you on equipment that also packages products containing traces of milk, egg, wheat, peanuts, tree nuts and/or soy protein? I didn’t know that.

No big deal, you say? Figures. All that mineral oil, wax and gelatin is going to your head. I always knew Skittles was solid and more understanding. Should have listened to my friends.

I expected the geniuses at Brach’s to do a little better. It’s not like children with peanut allergies have a huge selection of safe candy to choose from.

Have you seen your peers in the candy aisles lately: Butterfingers is downright scary; Reese’s Pieces is a killer and Milky Way is pure murder.

You have to go Greenie. Don’t look at me like that. You were a good, tasty treat; honestly, there has to be a way we can tell the bigwigs at Brach’s about the damage they have created in our relationship.

What about our relationship? Well… it’s over, of course. Done. Finished. Good-bye. As in, don’t let the door hit you on the way out, if you make it past the two dogs…